I know I'm late on my posting every week promise that I made to you. I'm not arrogant enough to think any of you noticed, but I'm admitting it anyway. So, I'm sorry. Now, I'm just going to drive right in.
A few months back when Woody Allen's daughter came out and said that he molested her when she was a little girl I decided to stop watching Woody Allen movies. Admittedly, this was not a big sacrifice for me because I wasn't a particularly avid fan of Woody Allen before the allegations surfaced. Nonetheless, after they came out I made a conscious decision to boycott his movies. Not because I think it will make a hugely significant difference, I doubt he'll notice if I don't watch Annie Hall on Netflix. But I decided my money and my time wouldn't be given to him.
I imagine this might be a little controversial. Some of you may be thinking that we live in a justice system that claims everyone is innocent until proven guilty. I'm with that. I think that's great. But if we are going to raise up our presumption of innocence banners then they must extend to the accusers as well. If Woody Allen is innocent of sexual abuse until proven guilty then Dylan Farrow must also be innocent of slander until proven guilty. For me it came down to two things. The first is risk. Was it worth the risk to me? I risk giving my money and time and appreciation to a man who might be a sexual predator and in exchange I enjoy two hours in front of my TV? To me it wasn't worth it. The second is simply that I believe her. I have no great insight. Just a gut feeling, but I'm not willing to ignore that.
I'm talking about all of this now because of the allegations against so many players in the NFL and recently against Bill Cosby. This is a tough thing. On the one hand we want to maintain the presumption of innocence that I mentioned earlier. On the other we don't want to risk sweeping these things under the rug when there's a chance that they're true.
The disgusting thing about all of this is how precisely it highlights the misogyny that runs rampant in our culture. When we assume that the perpetrators (usually men) are innocent and the victims (usually women) are guilty we are reenforcing a dangerous and inherently sexist ideology. The lie that women cry rape because it is their only weapon. I wrote about this earlier when I talked about Gone Girl. This is a real thing, friends. People really really want to defend these men. A comedian named Hannibal Buress recently brought up Cosby's rape allegations in a comedy bit. I read the comments on the video because I'm some sort of sadist. One guy poses this hypothetical thinker, how many lives have been destroyed by false allegations? Well, I don't know the exact statistics but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's significantly fewer than the number of lives that have been destroyed by rape.
People tend to assume that these women are lying because they are using the rape allegations as a weapon. The motivation for these lies? According to the general public it is usually money or vengeance that these women are after. Mia Farrow was painted as a jilted lover seeking revenge for a broken heart when she backed her daughter's claims. If the roles were reversed would Woody Allen be accused of the same? I really doubt it.
I know this is hard and scary and upsetting. So, here's my suggestion. Weigh the risks. Make a decision. Don't float along like this isn't really happening. If you have to stop watching syndicated episodes of The Cosby Show then so be it. If you have to drop someone from your fantasy football team then do it. Make up your mind. In your own small way make a stand. Please do not assume that a woman is lying because she accuses a man in a position of power. Please do not assume that a woman has something to gain from coming forward. Please do not assume that it is easy to make this information public.
Is there a chance that these women are lying about their abuse? Yes. But there's an equal (if not greater) chance that the denial of the accused is the lie. We live in a culture that privileges men and this is a disgustingly clear reminder of that privilege. So, as for me and my television, we won't be seeing Bill Cosby or Woody Allen anytime soon.
A few months back when Woody Allen's daughter came out and said that he molested her when she was a little girl I decided to stop watching Woody Allen movies. Admittedly, this was not a big sacrifice for me because I wasn't a particularly avid fan of Woody Allen before the allegations surfaced. Nonetheless, after they came out I made a conscious decision to boycott his movies. Not because I think it will make a hugely significant difference, I doubt he'll notice if I don't watch Annie Hall on Netflix. But I decided my money and my time wouldn't be given to him.
I imagine this might be a little controversial. Some of you may be thinking that we live in a justice system that claims everyone is innocent until proven guilty. I'm with that. I think that's great. But if we are going to raise up our presumption of innocence banners then they must extend to the accusers as well. If Woody Allen is innocent of sexual abuse until proven guilty then Dylan Farrow must also be innocent of slander until proven guilty. For me it came down to two things. The first is risk. Was it worth the risk to me? I risk giving my money and time and appreciation to a man who might be a sexual predator and in exchange I enjoy two hours in front of my TV? To me it wasn't worth it. The second is simply that I believe her. I have no great insight. Just a gut feeling, but I'm not willing to ignore that.
I'm talking about all of this now because of the allegations against so many players in the NFL and recently against Bill Cosby. This is a tough thing. On the one hand we want to maintain the presumption of innocence that I mentioned earlier. On the other we don't want to risk sweeping these things under the rug when there's a chance that they're true.
The disgusting thing about all of this is how precisely it highlights the misogyny that runs rampant in our culture. When we assume that the perpetrators (usually men) are innocent and the victims (usually women) are guilty we are reenforcing a dangerous and inherently sexist ideology. The lie that women cry rape because it is their only weapon. I wrote about this earlier when I talked about Gone Girl. This is a real thing, friends. People really really want to defend these men. A comedian named Hannibal Buress recently brought up Cosby's rape allegations in a comedy bit. I read the comments on the video because I'm some sort of sadist. One guy poses this hypothetical thinker, how many lives have been destroyed by false allegations? Well, I don't know the exact statistics but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's significantly fewer than the number of lives that have been destroyed by rape.
People tend to assume that these women are lying because they are using the rape allegations as a weapon. The motivation for these lies? According to the general public it is usually money or vengeance that these women are after. Mia Farrow was painted as a jilted lover seeking revenge for a broken heart when she backed her daughter's claims. If the roles were reversed would Woody Allen be accused of the same? I really doubt it.
I know this is hard and scary and upsetting. So, here's my suggestion. Weigh the risks. Make a decision. Don't float along like this isn't really happening. If you have to stop watching syndicated episodes of The Cosby Show then so be it. If you have to drop someone from your fantasy football team then do it. Make up your mind. In your own small way make a stand. Please do not assume that a woman is lying because she accuses a man in a position of power. Please do not assume that a woman has something to gain from coming forward. Please do not assume that it is easy to make this information public.
Is there a chance that these women are lying about their abuse? Yes. But there's an equal (if not greater) chance that the denial of the accused is the lie. We live in a culture that privileges men and this is a disgustingly clear reminder of that privilege. So, as for me and my television, we won't be seeing Bill Cosby or Woody Allen anytime soon.