A PSA for men whose game has been totally thrown off by this new wave of self-respecting feminists who don't want to be yelled at in the street.
Hey, I get it. You were getting so many ladies with your whistles and sexist exclamations. Now we women want to take that away from you. I'm here to help, bro. I'm here to help.
If you see a woman in a public place and think you'd like to start a conversation with her...great, go for it. To help you on this journey to conversational fulfillment I've outlined a few do's and don'ts.
- Don't make the conversation about one of her body parts that you find particularly appealing. Why not? Because women's bodies do not exist for your consumption.
- Do talk about something specific and relevant - mention the weather, the book she is reading, her Lord of the Rings t-shirt, etc. This is going to make your conversation more fulfilling for both parties and will come across as far less sexist because it lets her know you are interested in something other than her breasts.
- Don't yell. Because obviously.
- Do use social cues - if she is giving you one word answers, not making eye contact, or generally seems uninterested in the conversation then back off. Better luck next time.
- Don't stare at her body appreciatively and expect her to appreciate it.
- Do make sure she feels safe. Is it dark? Are you alone on the street? Probably not your moment for a meet-cute.
- Don't assume you're being complimentary. Contrary to popular belief women don't wear yoga pants just to hear 'nice ass!' when they walk by.
- Do give her a chance to talk. If she wants to talk to you she'll answer your questions and maybe even pose some of her own.
- Don't get defensive if she isn't interested. Her time and her body are hers to share as she so pleases.
- Do use words. Grunts, catcalls, whistles, etc. are not conversation starters.
I've seen a lot of people (read: men) on the internet feeling very upset that they can't say hello or tell a woman she's beautiful. Here's the thing a) that's not happening and b) you don't own a woman just because she is in a public space. You can say hello. You can even tell a woman she looks beautiful. But maybe don't lead with that. Maybe don't yell it across the street.
There's a difference between the guy in line behind me at HEB who mentions that he loves the beer I'm buying and the guy on the street who gives an appreciative grunt when I walk by. There's a difference between the guy who tells me he loves my hair and the guy who rolls down his window to whistle at me. Specificity, context, and social cues will give you everything you need to know if you are behaving appropriately or not.
This is not too much to ask. We are only asking men to be respectful, socially aware, and to exercise some very basic self control. Think about your intention. If you want to start a conversation then that's okay. If you just want some attention then keep your mouth shut.